The following is an excerpt from my upcoming ebook, Musings from Rock Bottom. Details are below! Every bit of meWants to believe weAre real, that inOur silences, a chord,Silvery, binds us together.Unseen but felt, remindingUs that we areKindred souls in loveFated to be byGod or whatever forceThat put us here. Every bit of meWants to …
She was here.
But not really.
She’s in limbo.
Like between sleeping and awake.
Like between breathing and not.
An elaborate veneer of external liveliness.
Question, why does joy
As if an intermission
A ragged, painful breath
As if being broken
Smooth coffee and old pages
No care in the world
I play a sick game with my Unconscious
I hand it my woes—
The ones that prevent me from functioning—
And plead, “Don’t let me remember this.”
But the bastard always reminds me
When it senses it did its job too well.
She dragged her knife against rigged metal, grating its edge to a sharp point. Well, she thought, turning to her victim subdued in the kitchen chair. His new girlfriend is welcomed to my leftovers.
She doesn’t need to leave on that commute again…the one from two months ago when her car flipped and she–the real she–was taken from me.
If I stay silent, she’ll always be asleep beside me.
It’s better than this unexplainable dread that fills me as I leaf through the streaky magazine paper. Every page detailing how the world is falling apart. Hell, how it might even die before my own little shits come of age. I let the pages slip between my thumbs, fast forwarding through all the bullshit.
We agreed to sign the papers. No more trying to heal us. Fixed on our poker faces and met at his house. By nightfall, we were wrapped in each other’s arms.
Our call crackled with silence.
I stared out the tattered screen mesh that shielded my doorway from the neighborhood. My eyes met an abandoned home, probably housing squatters, across the way.